Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
