the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
