I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
