you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
