clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
