this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize