i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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