my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
