I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
