He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
