apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
