Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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