So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
