there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
