Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
