someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I party with great urgency now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
