And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize