Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
