Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
