i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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