Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
