You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
