Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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