Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
