Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
