it hurts more in the daytime
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
