i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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