I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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