Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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