I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
