My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
