I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
