I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
