and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize