is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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