Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
