wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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