I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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