im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize