Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
