I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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