I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
