Tell her she can't have a vagina
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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