he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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