i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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