I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
