How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
