Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
