Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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