I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
