I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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