last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
