I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
