you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
