I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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