Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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