Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
