so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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