New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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