were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
