i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize