I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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