my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're like the curious george of whores
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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