I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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