id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
