dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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