Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
