Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
